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Woman Analysis

 
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Gordy
Bubble & Squeak
Bubble & Squeak


Joined: 28 May 2006
Posts: 2913
Location: Essex/London

PostPosted: Wed Mar 19, 2008 23:05 pm    Post subject: Woman Analysis Reply with quote

WORK PLACE HAZARDOUS MATERIAL INFORMATION SYSTEMS

Woman: A Chemical Analysis

Element: Woman
Symbol: WO2
Discoverer: Adam
Atomic Mass: Accepted as 118, but known to vary from 100 to 500 pounds
Occurrence: Widely distributed, with high concentration in urban areas

Physical Properties:

1. Surface usually covered with a painted film
2. Boils at nothing; freezes without reason
3. Melts if given special treatment
4. Bitter if incorrectly used
5. Found in various states ranging from virgin metal to common ore
6. Yields to pressure applied to correct point

Chemical Properties:

1. Has a great affinity with gold, silver, platinum and other precious stones
2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances
3. May explode spontaneously without prior warning and for no known reason
4. Insoluble in liquids but actively enhanced by saturation in alcohol
5. Most powerful money-reducing agent known to man

Common Uses:

1. Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars (Only when accompanied by man, Apt to be very dangerous otherwise)
2. Can be used as an extremely effective aid to relaxation - WARNING - May become addictive in this form
3. Is a very good cleaning agent

Tests:

1. Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in the natural state
2. Turns green when placed beside a better specimen

Hazards:

1. Highly dangerous, except in experienced hands
2. Illegal to possess more than one, although several may be maintained at different locations provided that specimens do not come in direct contact with one another
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